Social etiquette question

jandi · Post by **jandi** » Wed Nov 25, 2009 1:08 am

One of my BF's coworkers is getting married. When he asked my BF to confirm attendance, BF said he had not yet discussed it with me, and then his coworker said "Oh, sorry, she is not invited, we do not have room". I've met him before (just once or twice). In Mexico, we would consider this very rude. Is this normal in US/Canada? BF does not plan to attend, is a present expected? I am not sure what to make about this, having not attended many weddings around here... I might be just overreacting over a cultural difference.

SweetBecka · Post by **SweetBecka** » Wed Nov 25, 2009 6:21 am

I find this a bit unusual. I've only heard of it one time myself and that is because the person's ex would be there and they didn't want any uncomfortableness. If he's not going to go maybe the place he works is going in on a gift? He could just give toward that. I personally wouldn't go out of my way for them.

krenee · Post by **krenee** » Wed Nov 25, 2009 6:33 am

That is a bit rude, I agree. Most invitations would include the person and a "guest." (you) Maybe they just want a very small wedding, but you do have to plan on most of your guests wanting to bring a spouse or significant other. Depending on how close BF is with the coworker, I would agree that a group gift from work would be the way to go. Cash in a card would be acceptable for that and probably welcomed. Maybe he could suggest a group gift to some of his other co workers if it hasn't been suggested already.

jandi · Post by **jandi** » Wed Nov 25, 2009 9:24 am

So it seems the spouses of the other people were invited...

Had not thought of the group gift idea, that is an excellent suggestion!

Post by **JenW** » Wed Nov 25, 2009 9:33 am

jandi wrote:So it seems the spouses of the other people were invited...

Had not thought of the group gift idea, that is an excellent suggestion!

Well, at least if you do marry your BF, you can exclude his wife from your wedding......

I am just kidding....but it seems odd to me that you are not included when other spouses are. Granted, you are not a spouse, but it is not like you are the 'flavor of the week'. You and your BF have been together a long time.

Yes, a group gift is the way to go......

Ladybug914 · Post by **Ladybug914** » Wed Nov 25, 2009 6:28 pm

While there is no obligation to put "and guest" on the invitation for every unattached single person being invited to a wedding, if you and your BF have been together for a long time and the groom/bride are aware of this fact, then not including you is very rude.

And, no, you do not have to send a gift if you do not attend the wedding. Doing so is very nice, but it should not be expected.

jandi · Post by **jandi** » Wed Nov 25, 2009 9:20 pm

JenW wrote: Well, at least if you do marry your BF, you can exclude his wife from your wedding......

LOL. My brother said we should get one of those His and Her towels.... just one

But as fun as that sounds, group gift is probably healthier.

Thanks all!

zeebs · Post by **zeebs** » Thu Nov 26, 2009 11:31 am

It is customary, unless the wedding is very small and intimate, to include "and guest" on the invitations for people who aren't married.

I am sorry to hear that this happened. Good luck navigating the social climate. Your BF was put in a tough spot by this.

PS, it *may* be true though that they didn't 'have enough room' since your BF is a coworker of theirs, not a close friend. It's probably not personal, though it certainly was rude.

ChristineLynnP · Post by **ChristineLynnP** » Fri Nov 27, 2009 9:19 pm

Ladybug914 wrote:While there is no obligation to put "and guest" on the invitation for every unattached single person being invited to a wedding, if you and your BF have been together for a long time and the groom/bride are aware of this fact, then not including you is very rude.

And, no, you do not have to send a gift if you do not attend the wedding. Doing so is very nice, but it should not be expected.

I have nothing to add, because I agree with this response 100%. It comes across as being rude, for sure.

vivify · Post by **vivify** » Wed Dec 02, 2009 4:35 pm

It really depends. I just attended a rather large wedding where they simply did not have room to include everyone's "guest". The invitation should state how many seats are reserved for you. At least thats what the bride did for the wedding I went to. But she also inquired beforehand to every single guest that if they were not "serious" with anyone then she would not reserve additional space. I dont know if any of that made sense lol. But I think it just comes down to spacing and costs. Each guest costs a considerable amount for a wedding.

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