I lost someone very dear and special...

[pinkpomelo]

I'll be taking a hiatus from here cuz... its been a tough tough weekend. I cannot imagine that its only been a few days but it feels like forever...

Last Thursday, I received a call tell me that someone I love dearly and very close to me had taken his own life. He left me a note saying he was sorry. Even as I type this, I don't expect any one to have answers. I'm not looking for answers, just a place to vent and tell, yet another person, how much I miss my friend and how sorry I am that he didn't wait around for the light at the end of the tunnel to show itself.

I still cannot imagine he is gone. Today, his mother used his mobile to call me and I felt so... sad. Its not really him, and I'm not hoping its him... I mean, I know he's GONE... but it just felt so... awful. Like another reminder that he's not here anymore.

No more tall lanky bony hugs from a young man whom I mentored and loved and watch grow up for the past 11 years. We were so close, and he still couldn't tell me... he just chose to leave. At moments I'm angry. At moments I'm sorry. And at moments I'm just numb.

For his memorial service, his close friends and I spend hours making a video montage of his life with us, garnered from the thousands of photos that my photog hubby took over the last 11 years... that's a lot of photos... and I couldn't help but think... if only it had occurred to us to look through the albums with him, maybe he'd have been reminded of how happy he could be...

The one thing I cling on to is that I believe in God, and in Jesus Christ. And that all things work together for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28). And Edwin didn't stop loving God... he just stopped having enough strength to carry on.

[JenW]

I hope it helps a little to know that my heart goes out to you. You are definitely welcome to vent here anytime.

Big Hugs.

[Cupcake]

Ah Faith, may the peace of our Lord comfort you in knowing that Edwin has gone to be with the Lord. It says in Hebrews 4 that we have a High Priest who understands... I pray that you can rest in the surety of our Lord Jesus and that His unconditional love holds Edwin just as He holds you now, too.

I know nothing diminishes the shock and pain of loss for those left behind, but there is a sure and certain hope in the resurrection of our Lord. He overcame death so that nothing would separate us from Him (Romans 8:38-39). Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted. (Matthew 5.4).

Love n hugs -x-

[rubycat95]

I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear friend. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as well.

[lcash]

I wish I had the words to comfort you, Faith. You are in my prayers.

[karen]

Big hugs- what terrible news. We went though something very similar about 2 months ago, and it's just so senseless and tragic. I hope that time will heal your heart in the way that no words can.

[egerandi]

[Ghost]

My heart goes out to you and your lose friend faith. I'm not a religious person but I do believe in a better place (whatever that may be) so I hope where ever he is, he's happier

Hugs and love
Sarah

[tizzylou]

Faith, Big hugs. Having lived through both of my parents trying and 1 succending and then having my then teenage son and daughter 's close friend kill themselves and having to go through it all with them , and then 2 years later having their biological mother also commit sucide ( in attempt to make my youngest step daughter feel gulity). I know exactly how you feel, both at them in general for not asking for or reaching out to help, at yourself for possibly missing something, etc.. Nothing ever really takes the pain away, but a stong faith and the belief that even though they gave up on life they didn't give up on God does help. Give you self time to grieve, remember that there will be those times that you think you are ok and then find out you aren't. Share your happy memories with friends and his family and above all remember that God's will will not take you where God's grace can't protect you. I firmly believe that our loving heavenly Father gives us trials and tribulations so that not only do we grow stronger in oour beliefs, but that we share what we have learned, so while you moarn the loss of your friend, remember that this may be the time that you are being asked to totally exempilfy your Christian beliefs to others, and if you want to share how you are feeling in a less public mode feel free to PM me, I'm pretty sure I can remember every emotion that you are feeling right now.
Hollis

[kitten1711]

Thinking of you *****hugs *****

Txx