I hate the shape of my face. Help?

[lwoodall10]

Emma, your eye shadow looks awesome! and you just look like you have a nice healthy glow.

[Cupcake]

Emma - I'm sending you a hug to soften a stern talking to. Now listen up... you are a remarkably beautiful young lady and you appear to be glowing with health. Everyone appreciates a kind word when they're feeling down - and believe me, we all have down days. No amount of kind words will impact how you *choose* to see yourself longer term. How you think about yourself directly generates how you feel about yourself. Proven.

You have a choice. You can remember hurtful words from the past, or you - in the nicest possible way - pull yourself together and realise what you do have. We all, every one of us, have good points and bad points. Only you - seriously, only YOU can choose to concentrate on your flaws or choose to change your attention on to your finer attributes.

The more you focus on something, the bigger / more important / more central it becomes in your perspective. That applies to insecurities just as much as it does temptations, perceptions and beliefs. The more you re-think a thought, the more it gets ingrained into your 'default' subconscious. Proven (and I can give more info, if you need it).

So change your thinking. You've had a long list of people here want to hug you and help you realise that you're beautiful. You're a model, for goodness sakes. Some of us have faces sliding southwards like a sagging bag of wrenches. (That'd be me ). You've got all the evidence that you need to 'allow' yourself to re-evaluate your thinking and change it for the positive. But that's a deliberate, determined, re-occurring choice that you have to persevere with.

Modelling may not be a healthy environment for you. By definition, it's about capturing perfection and that, of course, feeds the negativity which undermines a model's self-confidence and security.

So go have a good, long think and enjoy the warm wishes you have here, but realise that when it comes to how flawed or perfectly you see yourself, you're the only one who has the power inside your head to control how you define yourself.

/lecture over.

[ladycattat]

Emma, not only are you just beautiful....but you are FIERCE!!!, and I just checked out your FB pics, and I love your tats!!!!
Laurie

[sewwies]

Ohhh my gosh!!! I haven't read all this post so sorry if I'm repeating anything but had to chime in before bed hehe - seriously you are so insanely pretty, and its all natural! Gorgeous skin, beaaauutiful almond shaped eyes and such wonderfully full lips. I saw your pics on FOTD ages ago and remember thinking how striking you are.

I know we all have our insecurities and we all spend far too much time looking for them, striving for 'perfection' but you're seriously blessed with your looks, and from what I've seen on here very very sweet! Full package laydee!

[sewwies]

And Cupcake, amazing answers as always. Would you be my Scottish guru?!

[Cupcake]

And Cupcake, amazing answers as always. Would you be my Scottish guru?!

Hehe thanks for the vote of confidence, but no... you don't want me warping your young, innocent mind. Besides, I haven't the patience for petulance and I've seen enough of that in the past. One down day becomes a week of self-pity and if left to fester, that becomes the root of real problems. I've seen people live humbly through tragedy and emerge miraculously sane and I've seen people waste years wallowing over the kind of trivia that deceives them into losing perspective, identity and reason to live.

One (of many) simple truths is that one of the greatest powers that we all have is in how we choose to respond. Lots of people don't want to realise this and take a hold of that responsibility. (Easier to blame bad parents, lack of support, etc). You don't have to live by how you feel.

You can do what you know to be right even if you feel all wrong and all over the place. That's using real power. Best way to fight against the way those cruel words make you feel power-less.

[egerandi]

One (of many) simple truths is that one of the greatest powers that we all have is in how we choose to respond. Lots of people don't want to realise this and take a hold of that responsibility. (Easier to blame bad parents, lack of support, etc). You don't have to live by how you feel.

So so so true!

[feyith]

Yep. This is definitely a big comfy couch. Even Cupcake's stern talking tos are posted with love.

To be honest, I go through phases. I have an appointment with the doctor on June 10th to check if my bipolar depression has gotten way out of whack again.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for the constant kind words, well wishes and emotional support. Most days I'm fine and really am quite grateful for my health, family, friends and wonderful soon to be hubby... - OMG, my wedding dress came in today and it's beautiful and fits perfectly! YAY!!!

As a related note, I found a post I made several months ago on Chanty's and wanted to reiterate in case it helps anyone else. I feel it's very important that everybody has a support group.

I was researching cosmetic surgeries and this website has finally convinced me that I am an inappropriate candidate for it. My entire adulthood, I have been desperately wanting a tummy tuck and boob job, but now I think I'm finally coming to terms with the idea that my body is not the issue; my mindset and self image are.

Anyway, I just wanted to pass the information along in case it helps anyone else.

"Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is a serious illness in which a person is preoccupied with minor or imaginary physical flaws, usually of the skin, hair, and nose. A person with BDD tends to have cosmetic surgery, and even if the surgery is successful, does not think it was and is unhappy with the outcome."

Symptoms of BDD:
* Being preoccupied with minor or imaginary physical flaws, usually of the skin, hair, and nose, such as acne, scarring, facial lines, marks, pale skin, thinning hair, excessive body hair, large nose, or crooked nose.
* Having a lot of anxiety and stress about the perceived flaw and spending a lot of time focusing on it, such as frequently picking at skin, excessively checking appearance in a mirror, hiding the imperfection, comparing appearance with others, excessively grooming, seeking reassurance from others about how they look, and getting cosmetic surgery.

Getting cosmetic surgery can make BDD worse. They are often not happy with the outcome of the surgery. If they are, they may start to focus attention on another body area and become preoccupied trying to fix the new "defect." In this case, some patients with BDD become angry at the surgeon for making their appearance worse and may even become violent towards the surgeon.

Treatment for BDD:
* Medications. Serotonin reuptake inhibitors or SSRIs are antidepressants that decrease the obsessive and compulsive behaviors.
* Cognitive behavioral therapy. This is a type of therapy with several steps:
1. The therapist asks the patient to enter social situations without covering up her "defect."
2. The therapist helps the patient stop doing the compulsive behaviors to check the defect or cover it up. This may include removing mirrors, covering skin areas that the patient picks, or not using make-up.
3. The therapist helps the patient change their false beliefs about their appearance.

I think it's high time to suck it up and get back on the antidepressant medications instead of verbally abusing the hell out of my spouse.

I know there's already a mental health thread, but I think there should be one specifically for body image issues because it's helpful to know other people who are going through the same things.

http://www.womenshealth.gov/bodyimage/

[lilychemgirl]

Emma, I love your new pics! (Especially the one of you with the geisha style makeup against the patterned background - if you can tell from that descriptions which one I mean ) forgive me, but I looked at them all

And I agree with Cupcake, she is very wise

[MyLavenderHeart]

Sometimes we can`t see ourselves the way other people see us, we can`t see the things that makes us so special and lovely with features that makes us US.

We just get caught up in things that no one else but we ourselves see, because we tend to focus on what we *think* would be the ideal thing, and if we don`t have exactly that, then we are not good enough.

And since you say you hate the shape of your face I just HAD to pop in and say that you are SO PRETTY!!!
You have lovely features and the cutest dimple I have ever seen

So could you please stop hating the shape of your face? Because you really don`t have to, you are simply tooo gorgeous for hating it. Sorry. just a waste of pretty face to be hating it...

Oh and just a final thing...
When old/older people look back at their youth, they look at pictures of themselves and say*:

"How on EARTH could I complain about my face/thies/behind/legs etc...they were perfect!
Why did I waste sooo much time worrying about that, I was so pretty! Why couldn`t I see that then! I wish I could go back in time, and THEN I wouldn`t complain about aaanything! Look at me! I was a bomb! Le sigh..."

* Actually this is something I have heard several of my older familymembers say, so it is actually how it is!


EDIT: aaaaand a littlebit too much use of *actually* after the asterisk...sorry...