Silk Naturals

So, I am curious about something. Some friends/acquaintances of ours had a baby 2 months ago. We are not close friends and mostly see them when our friends have get togethers. So they were over last night with their baby, and they couldn’t leave her for even the smallest sound she made.
For example, she was kept in her pram, and had one of those ‘thingy’s’ over top where the toys/shapes that hang down (sorry, I obviously don’t have a kid, so I cannot for the life of me remember what these hangy things are called….), and I (as a non mother) imagine many if not all of her noises were because she was looking at this hangy thing and sort of entertaining herself, but with every tiny sound, not even a cry sound, but just a grunt or something, they would go running and fuss over her. If she made the sounds again, they’d go, and they finally took her out of the pram because she wouldn’t quiet down, so we all sat around as they fussed over her, when it was clear to me (again, as a non mom so I probably have NO idea, and no experience beyond my baby-sitting years) that she was just interested in what was going on around her. They kept trying to hold her in a laying down position so she’d sleep, but she’d be trying to turn her head around to look at us all, so I think she was just interested and curious in what was going on around here…
Is this normal? Is it because they are new parents and new parents are scared something is wrong all the time, will I be like that when I have a baby?
It just really seemed like over the top attention to me.
I really am just curious as to if this is normal and the baby does indeed need that coddling or are they just too worried about something?
They were complaining (well not complaining but kinda…) that they don’t have one second to themselves since she was born, but maybe it is their practises and now they are in their own routine of care for her, and even when she is content and being a baby, they don’t leave her be, so they don’t have time for themselves.

Are new parents like this? I can imagine if I was talking to my mom she’d say, it’s to be expected with first time parents.
What do you think? For you mom’s out there, what is your experience?
I definitely get that with a first baby, you never know what to expect…so maybe being overly paranoid is par for the course…

thoughts?

Every child is different, every parent is different, and their child is their business. I'm sure that some parents are super attentive and perhaps a little controlling, while others would be overjoyed to see their child explore social situations on her own. I can see how their behavior would be off-putting (it definitely would be for me), but it's part of who they are now, and unless they're physically violent with the child, it's up to them to determine what is appropriate parenting. Oh, and BTW, there is probably no such thing as "normal" when it comes to parents.

It's up to you to determine how much time you spend with them and baby, though....

Just my $0.02....

Is this their first baby? I don't have kids but from watching my sis-in-laws raise 5, soon to be 6, children, parents seem to be like that with their first and then they mellow out a bit, haha.

I think it is definetly a first child thing. I know with my first I was more paranoid that something was going to happen and felt the need to check on him for every little sound he made, especially the first couple of months. Honestly, I didn't even want to leave the hospital because I didn't think I would know what to do with the baby once I got him home. I definitely mellowed with the second one

zeebs wrote:Every child is different, every parent is different, and their child is their business. I'm sure that some parents are super attentive and perhaps a little controlling, while others would be overjoyed to see their child explore social situations on her own. I can see how their behavior would be off-putting (it definitely would be for me), but it's part of who they are now, and unless they're physically violent with the child, it's up to them to determine what is appropriate parenting. Oh, and BTW, there is probably no such thing as "normal" when it comes to parents.

It's up to you to determine how much time you spend with them and baby, though....

Just my $0.02....

I agree (though not from experience), once you have a kid that is bascially your world, especially a first kid (Hi Silverfern!, yes it is their first), and everything is new and every sound could be something bad.
Growing up and even when I was at an age when some friends were starting families (ok, they were SO super young - like 20 - but ya....) there was always a big support network in the community I was in (chuch community essentially) and even within that, there was a strong emphasis on family support, etc... and maybe that is what made a big difference. The parents were around (even grand parents in some cases) and of course they are the ones with all the experience and know-how. This couple is in a foreign country on their own, so I bet that makes a massive difference (although, it was their choice, they didn't want family there with them for the birth nor the weeks afterwards...). I know when it is my turn, DH's family will be very involved and I can always ask my MIL the paranoid questions that every first time parent has (indeed, she'll be delighed to take over caring for the baby so I can relax and recover). I guess these things are normal and with no one around to ask, what other choice is there.
It was off-putting, but then I'd get so mad at myself for being put-off!!! it is not their fault really, and they are certainly attentive parents and gentle and comforting, and obviously doing their best, but I just never saw such a reaction from first time parents before.
anyhow...sorry, I hope I don't sound like a mean ol' grumpy lady.
it was funny, another couple there (the wife of which comes from China where she also has a very supportive family community, like DH (Mexican) does) actually commented on the fact they were running to get the baby for every noise, saying, maybe you should leave her, probably she doenst need you to go for everything that happens, etc...well, they reponded nicely enough but bascially said, not in a million years!!! So I guess family support/community where you get knowledge passed down to you, and culture must play a big role as well.
... my Philosophical question of the day...

Susan! haha, that's so funny! I know I'll be the same, which is why I did my best to be understanding and more gracious than my nasty side wanted to be!! I am also so grateful that DH's fmaily is so supported because if we had to do it on our own I think I'd be like you, and wanting to stay in the hospital. the insurance where we are moving to have these kinda nurse hotlines you can call 24/7, I am sure those come in handy with new parents.

That's funny you mention the 24/7 nurse hotline. When I was pregnant with my first I badgered those people so much...I'm sure when they answered the phone and I told them who I was they just cursed me in their minds. The day I gave birth I called them about 10 -15 times because I was sure I was in labor and they kept saying no, it's false labor contractions...finally I think they got so sick of hearing from me they told me to come check in to the hospital. Turns out I was in labor and actually had complications, so I guess the maternal instinct had already kicked in and it was a good thing I was badgering them so much that day.

I think it's totally a first time parent thing, especially with people who have not cared for children before. I don't have kids but have worked with infants through preschool age and seen that sort of thing time after time. Some parents relax over the years, others never do mellow out and relax into it. Personality type has a lot to do with it too. Some people are that fussy over everything under the sun, therefore that's gonna be their parenting style by default. Plus, if they have a idea of what parenthood is like, more than likely that will be their reality. In other words, if they think babies need constant attention and any noise is a bad noise, that's how they'll behave and no reasoning from other people will make a difference.

Community can be so helpful to new parents, there is value in being surrounded by women who have been there, done that, even if their parenting style is not 100% your own. But one has to be open to learning from them...and some are not. I grew up surrounded by and caring for kids of all ages and was babysitting by age 12. So, working with kids as I got older was second nature, it never freaked me out. Now as my friends are having kids I get the questions they don't want to call and ask their mother about. My mom was the oldest of a ton of grandkids (her mom had 11 siblings), so she was surrounded by kids and babysitting too. Then she worked as an OB nurse so having us kids was nothing scary for her, even though she had major complications and we were all premature.

I agree with everything that has been said....it has some to do with personality, and some to do with being a parent for the first time. I know I was a complete mess with my first, but by the time the second one came along less than two years later, I had relaxed quite a bit. I had been around small children, but not around infants much. It was a real eye opener.

I would say that it is hard to get a real feel for how the friends will be with their kinds only two months into their first. Give them another chance or two to see if they relax a little.

Definitely a first-time parent thing; though, not all first-time parents are like that. It really depends on one's comfort level with babies. By the time we had our first baby, a number of our friends already had kids, so we were fairly well versed in common sense baby care details. And we had seen a variety of parenting "styles" that helped shape our own. I had watched my dear friend be the over-protective, never let anyone else hold the baby kind of mom and saw that it fed a tendency of her child to be uncomfortable around other people and to want only his mom to do everything for him. When I had my first baby, I was determined to not be that over-protective and we happily handed him off to other people when we were in social situations. My son grew up being very comfortable in a variety of environments, and never went through a stranger anxiety stage. Now, he also just happens to be a pretty mellow kid, by nature, and the child's nature is also a real factor in how one approaches parenting.

I'm not a parent, but my sister is an infant and toddler specialist who trains daycare providers. She goes nuts whenever someone refuses to pick up a fussy baby, or not check on them. It's obviously a little bit different at a daycare center than at a dinner party, but you really can't spoil a newborn by paying too much attention to them. I can imagine it's a bit weird at dinner though.

When we got Bitsy (yes, our dog) she wanted to be held all the time, and we wanted to hold her all the time! She had this habit of jumping up on DH's lap, and burrowing into the top of his bathrobe- she does it to this day. It was torture for us to leave her alone because she was just so tiny, helpless and cute. DH setup a web cam so we could watch her from the office. We took her pretty much everywhere with us when we weren't working, and I think she's a better dog for it.

So, if two reasonably bright, not really overly sentimental folks can get that crazy over a dog, I can only imagine what real Mommies must go through with their babies. I'm hoping we got all of that nervous first time parent stuff out our systems, but I kinda doubt it.