am i alone?

[booboo]

yeah, anxiety & depression are problems for me also. I now have a bit of confidence from having my daughter (by myself, I am a single mum, shaky & unhealthy relationship, pregnancy was the last straw for him, but it's better that way). I tell myself if I can be a mother I can do anything! I think it's easier now while I am bfing, maybe has stabilised my hormones? & has helped with the acne, but am paranoid what will happen when I stop (no plans to, just when dd decides). Totally agree about being a mother makes your body real, it's amazing!

Also, how did you others help clear up your cystic acne (if you don't mind me asking)? I still have problems from time to time, but nervous of any medications or nasty treatments.

I really appreciate some of these lovely comments & hope they are helpful to others here with confidence issues as well. I totally get the thing of not wanting anyone to look at me (even if covered in makeup - does that sound contradictory?), I think if I have trouble even looking at myself then, no way I want anyone else to notice me! Also, after bad relationship with father of my child, I soooo don't think there is any future in any relationships again for me!

It's not hard to get a bit mixed up is it! Thanks also for ideas re counselling, meditation etc. I don't think I could cope in a public meeting, but am definitely looking into meditation, which sounds more like a private thing, even if in a room full of people.

[zeebs]

Hi booboo I was also just thinking about this diet that my doctor put me on. It is the Paleo Diet http://www.thepaleodiet.com/ and it has helped both my mood and my skin. You can read the thread on it here http://host.silknaturals.com/forum/view ... ilit=paleo if you like.

The other nutritional supplements that are supposed to be helpful for anxiety/depression are 5-HTP, St. John's Wort, or Taurine - maybe you could ask your local holistic doctor about them? Oh, and Niacinamide 500 mg a day is another recommendation for anxiety/panic attacks.

[Xarata]

i was thinking about this thread yesterday and i realized that while i don't mind going out in public without makeup, i DO mind going out in public without a pushup bra (i only wear pushups- i'm small enough that i'm too perky not to have padding). The only time i'm ok not wearing a pushup bra in public is in a sundress.

guess we all have a little something

[tizzylou]

I think you are right Xarata, we all do have something. Someone once told me that we all carry garbage around us that we tend to unpack at various times in our lives, and that the only thing that becomes easier is that we learn to unpack it, examine it and put it away alot faster the longer we do it. What I really think they were telling me was that I would always struggle with the effects of the verbal abuse that I suffered as a child, and the suicide ( at seperate times) of both my parts, but that I realized that I was not the cause of any of those events, and that only I had the power to choose how I allowed those events to effect me, it would be easier to look back at those moments and say yes it happened but look at how they allowed me to grow.

Do I use makeup to help boost my confidence, not any more. But at one time in my life it took getting up and putting on my "face" literally for me to feel like I could walk out the door and tackle the world. It has taken alot of soul searching, and counseling to get there, but my attitude these days is this is what you get, take me or leave me I really don't care because I will be ok one way or the other. Now I just use make up because I like to play with color and look pretty.

[superwahz]

Makeup used to be the only way I felt like I looked okay enough to interact with the world. Growing up in a strict household as a girl with wicked acne, extra weight my friends didn't carry, and a pretty verbally abusive family, I hated myself. In a way makeup saved my life, I could tolerate how I looked enough to get through the day. It was something I could control when I couldn't control the chaos around me. Of course, that problem also led to OCD, anxiety, and panic attacks, but that's a whole other story.

In my late teens and early 20s I refused to be seen without full makeup on. Over time as I started to shake all the crap that had been loaded onto me in my childhood, and started to feel like being a woman was actually a "good" thing, I realized I was hiding behind my make up. I started to view it as my ritual, putting on my war paint to do battle with everything outside my inner world. It boosted my confidence, but I knew I needed to learn to let go of that at some point and be okay with me.

I've come a long way with that. I worked my way up to going without it. Now it's no big deal, if I don't have time to put it on or don't feel like it, I leave without it. I've reached the place where I am who I am, if you don't like, I don't need to know you. I've pretty much let go of that need for everyone to like me. It still kicks in during my insecure moments, and the OCD and such are still my companions, but meditation and diet changes have helped with that. My acne cleared up on a diet similar to what Zeebs posted.

Makeup now is about me expressing my artistic self and wearing all the colors that I wasn't allowed to when I was younger. It's an expression of my freedom, of being my own person and controlling my own life! It's a beautiful thing and a gift that I am trying to give my cousin who is 15. I don't have children but I do mother an awful lot of people in my life and thinking of them makes me work harder at walking my talk and being okay with and loving me. Because I can't admonish them to do that if I'm not practicing it myself!

[zeebs]

In my late teens and early 20s I refused to be seen without full makeup on. Over time as I started to shake all the crap that had been loaded onto me in my childhood, and started to feel like being a woman was actually a "good" thing, I realized I was hiding behind my make up. I started to view it as my ritual, putting on my war paint to do battle with everything outside my inner world.

Holy s... I mean, holy cow! I used to feel this way about wearing my hair and face plain and masculine clothes. It was about keeping other people out and avoiding being vulnerable. I totally hear this. I used to think that femininity was the same as weakness, but of course that's a bunch of.... malarky... or hogwash... or whatever you wanna call it...... being a woman is awesome! And it's about way more than hair, makeup, and clothes... being comfortable with womanhood outside of those things is a struggle.... look at the all the, um, misogynistic marketing we have to sort thru every day just to run errands or go to work. I'm so glad SN isn't like those "other" companies with the photoshopped models, etc etc. I've been paying more attention to that lately... what does my money really support?... and what does it give back to me (beyond products) after I spend it?

[superwahz]

Holy s... I mean, holy cow! I used to feel this way about wearing my hair and face plain and masculine clothes. It was about keeping other people out and avoiding being vulnerable. I totally hear this. I used to think that femininity was the same as weakness, but of course that's a bunch of.... malarky... or hogwash... or whatever you wanna call it...... being a woman is awesome! And it's about way more than hair, makeup, and clothes... being comfortable with womanhood outside of those things is a struggle.... look at the all the, um, misogynistic marketing we have to sort thru every day just to run errands or go to work. I'm so glad SN isn't like those "other" companies with the photoshopped models, etc etc. I've been paying more attention to that lately... what does my money really support?... and what does it give back to me (beyond products) after I spend it?

Hah! That was totally how I was! Baggy, shapeless clothes, sports bras, hair in a ponytail, even the makeup I wore as a teen was pretty basic. The only time I wore a dress was to church because I was forced to. I didn't date, I didn't want to deal with anyone. It was a pretty effective way to keep people out! It took me a long time and some drastic life changes to embrace the body I was born into. I love being a woman now, but it takes a concerted effort to avoid the mass propaganda everywhere trying to make us all feel bad about ourselves so we'll line someone else's pockets in an effort to "fix" ourselves.

I hear ya about the "What does my money really support?" question. People think that I'm a bit neurotic but I'm picky that way about the products I buy, clothes, music, books, food, etc... Authenticity is very important to me. I too am very thankful that SN doesn't use those images to sell their products. Real women come in all shapes, sizes, and complexions and selling makeup that embraces that is such an awesome thing!

[tizzylou]

[quote

. Real women come in all shapes, sizes, and complexions and selling makeup that embraces that is such an awesome thing!

][/quote]
Zeebs, you said this so well, and how blessed are we to have SN and this careing individuals on this board who support women of all shapes, sizes and complexions.

[zeebs]

. Real women come in all shapes, sizes, and complexions and selling makeup that embraces that is such an awesome thing!

Zeebs, you said this so well, and how blessed are we to have SN and this careing individuals on this board who support women of all shapes, sizes and complexions.

Actually it was Superwahz who said it so well... but I agree, this is exactly what makeup should be about, celebrating individual beauty as well as group beauty.

[karen]

I tell myself if I can be a mother I can do anything!

I have found that to be very true. Susan, Jamie, and Jen are all Super Moms- and when they come to work they're Super Women. With Susan and Jamie I met their kids, and hired them just based on how cool their kids are, and I have yet to see anything they can't take on. Really, if you can raise a healthy, happy child you can do anything.

You may not be ready for a meeting, but know that you don't have to talk or share. They're usually setup like classrooms, so you don't have to look at anyone or make eye contact- you can just sit and take it in.

My real "everything is going to be ok" moment (although there's a lot of just daily stuff I had to work on too) came when we were on vacation. My mother-in-law lives about 2 hours from Monte Carlo, so we drove over just to check it out. We can barely afford a post card in Monte Carlo, but we went anyway just to check it out. I was in the lady's room of the Grand Casino, and it was full of absolutely STUNNING women- they could have been super models, or high class escorts, or rocket scientists for all I know. They were easily wearing a few thousand dollars worth of clothes, and had obviously been incredibly well maintained. I was there in a home-made dress, with home made jewelry, and touching up my $4.50 SN lip gloss (which I have to say, was every bit as nice as the high-end stuff they were touching-up). For a minute I felt a little inferior- like a mid-80's Volvo in a showroom of Lamborghini's.

I will never have the time, resources or the genetics to look that good. But then I realized that hey, I was in Monte Carlo too (because we found a really good deal on plane tickets, and borrowed my MIL's car to get there, but that's beside the point), and that maybe I am an old Volvo, but they'll get you where you want to go just the same. You can hit a deer, jump out, duct tape it back together and it will get you home- the next day you can fix it up with $20 worth of parts, and it will survive for years. Not so much if you're driving a Lamborghini

I'm happy being a Volvo. I'm happy that it only takes a few minutes to look put together.