Social etiquette question

[Bluebird]

no way…..to exclude a friends guest of choice seems very rude and sorry…selfish. If its about money and thats why the guests are being given odd limitations…then seriously, have a smaller wedding. To invite a friend or coworker to sit through an entire wedding and expect them to go partnerless just doesn’t seem right. ALL guests should be comfortable…not just married ones!! Otherwise, i'm tempted to question the purpose of the invite.

[stefami]

I'm not saying that it is right, but apparently the trend nowadays is to not include "and guest" with every invite. I recently got married this year and have read plenty of message boards discussing that. Apparently part of the reasoning is that the bride or groom doesn't just want random people they don't know there on their "special day." The other factor is of course cost and space (whether it is a large or small wedding).

The apparent social etiquette is when you invite people, you only have to invite their spouse and long term significant others. The long term part is what is questionable since that means something different to everyone. Some people consider 3 months long term, some people consider nothing shorter than a year, some people it's 3 years.

As for me, I included "and guest" for all my non married, I'm not sure who you are dating, guest. If I knew they were dating someone, I included that person's name. I personally think it would suck having to sit through someone else's wedding and reception with people I don't know at all and not having at least one ally there, so I addressed my invites with that in mind. Course, I also invited my whole team and their spouses, even though I don't really care for all of them, because I didn't want anyone to feel left out and get their feelings hurt, so maybe that is just me. A lot of brides seem to think "this is all about me and what I want" and I totally disagree. Sure, tailor it to what you want, but also have some consideration for your guests and family!

Sorry, if you couldn't tell, I am long winded.

[Ladybug914]

I'm not saying that it is right, but apparently the trend nowadays is to not include "and guest" with every invite. I recently got married this year and have read plenty of message boards discussing that. Apparently part of the reasoning is that the bride or groom doesn't just want random people they don't know there on their "special day." The other factor is of course cost and space (whether it is a large or small wedding).

The apparent social etiquette is when you invite people, you only have to invite their spouse and long term significant others. The long term part is what is questionable since that means something different to everyone. Some people consider 3 months long term, some people consider nothing shorter than a year, some people it's 3 years.

As for me, I included "and guest" for all my non married, I'm not sure who you are dating, guest. If I knew they were dating someone, I included that person's name. I personally think it would suck having to sit through someone else's wedding and reception with people I don't know at all and not having at least one ally there, so I addressed my invites with that in mind. Course, I also invited my whole team and their spouses, even though I don't really care for all of them, because I didn't want anyone to feel left out and get their feelings hurt, so maybe that is just me. A lot of brides seem to think "this is all about me and what I want" and I totally disagree. Sure, tailor it to what you want, but also have some consideration for your guests and family!

Sorry, if you couldn't tell, I am long winded.

I am just curious how many single people who know absolutely no one else are invited to people's weddings. I mean, in theory, the guest list should all be people the bride and/or groom know, and I know there really isn't any just one single random person we knew well enough to invite to our wedding but who had absolutely no connection to anyone else on the guest list.

The concept of not putting "and guest" on every unattached person's invitation is actually not new. I remember reading Miss Manners when I was planning my wedding twenty-two years ago, and she indicated that you should never put "and guest". If you do not actually know a guest's significant other, you should take the time to contact your guest to get the significant other's name, and include him/her on the invitation (or even send a separate invitation if the significant other lives separately from the guest). And if someone did not have a significant other serious enough to be someone they could identify at the time you are asking him/her for the information, then there is no obligation to make your wedding a "date night" opportunity for every unattached single. Again, in theory, a wedding guest should be someone with whom the bride and/or groom cares enough about to share their special moment.

[karen]

In any case try not to take it personally- even though it probably stings. Most likely the groom is caught in the middle...most of those decisions are handed-down on high from the Bride and her parents. My Father was a wedding photographer, and we'd sit down with each couple a few weeks before the wedding to hash out the last minute details and there's always a point in the discussion where EVERY groom mentions eloping.

[Rhys]

Just the groom

[stefami]

I am just curious how many single people who know absolutely no one else are invited to people's weddings. I mean, in theory, the guest list should all be people the bride and/or groom know, and I know there really isn't any just one single random person we knew well enough to invite to our wedding but who had absolutely no connection to anyone else on the guest list.

While the number of single people invited with no connection to anyone else may not be very high, it does matter a lot in terms of making sure those people are comfortable as well. I had a couple of single people who brought guests who didn't turn it into a "date night" but instead brought a family member or a close friend to keep them company. I know at least 2 of my single guests who did not know anyone else attending because I have a few close friends from all different aspects of my life that don't necessarily overlap. And there is nothing more awkward than sitting at a table alone with people who know each and aren't interested at all in including you in their conversations. Also, I had several single friends who may know a couple of other guests who were invited, but those guests they knew could not attend. So this still leaves them sitting alone with people they didn't know. I know what Mrs. Manners says and I know that weddings are expensive, but I guess if it mattered enough for me to have those people there at my wedding, then it mattered enough for me to try to make their time at least endurable, if not enjoyable.
Just my 2 cents. Not arguing, just explaining my point of view.

[lilychemgirl]

We invited one person without inviting their husband to our wedding (I know, how awful are we!!!) Because my dh could not stand the husband, but the wife was a good friend of mine. I wanted to invite both, but he said no way. We were having a very small wedding though, and so I talked to her about it beforehand, giving the excuse that we were trying really hard to keep numbers down, and she said that it was cool, she understood. My dh tried to do that to another good friend of ours whose husband he really didn't like too, but I put my foot down at that point, because the husband was a friend of mine too, and there is no way we could have got away with that without offending people!
Dh's rationale is that it is our special day, and he didn't want people there who he didn't feel were special to us. He has been married before, and his first wedding his ex wife invited all sorts of people he didn't even know, and the whole day became about her and her mother and what they wanted, and so it was important to dh that our day was actually about us. I respect that, so I caved a little on the guest list.
I felt really bad though