Okay, well, I wouldn't be the first smoker this happened to, nor the last, but awhile back, I started again. Of course I was ashamed to post here. I've been, how do you say, working through some things.
I am embarrassed that I fell off the wagon. For the last month and a half, I've been repeatedly trying to get back on, with varying success.
At any rate, I currently have 11 cigs left in my pack, and I have been doing some new reading on how to quit successfully. I am not entirely sure that I am ready again, but I don't particularly wish to be a pathetic, socially-awkward nicotine addict desperately clutching my pack in one hand and my oxygen mask in the other. Okay, perhaps that's an extreme projection given the mildness of my habit. Regardless, it's expensive and it smells bad, and I want to use my cig money for better things, namely makeup and manicures. I did the math, and I could afford a manicure AND a new lip gloss each month if I stopped smoking.
Last time I quit, it was really effective to think, "If I were advising a heroin addict in my situation, what would I say to her?" but unfortunately, I didn't stick with this line of inquiry each time, and the stress of finals week therefore derailed me. This time, I'm going to keep that trick up my sleeve, because when I think of smoking, I just think, oh, how innocuous, because I've become inured to its hazards and unpleasantries. Equating it to other addictions is much more effective for me; that way, I can see it for what it is and not be quite so deluded.
Anyway, I would like to remember to do that consistently this time around. Also, I plan to meditate each morning, because I'm beginning to think that smoking is a substitute for facing emotions like boredom, perfectionism, and physical discomfort.
So, I have not yet set a[nother] quit date (my projection based on my current supply would be Tuesday morning or perhaps Wednesday), but when I do, I wish to be held accountable here, since you ladies did such a fab job last time. Of course I went and boffed it during finals week, but hey, nobody's perfect. Here we go again.